I've been chatty as of late. LOL
Yall know how Michelle and I chop it up on our IG lives, right? So I'm sure you can imagine how the offline conversations go.
Same goes for the friends that aren't on the live stream. We range from mothers, sisters, daughters, friends, business owners, teachers, and everything in between. A common refrain is how we don't take care of ourselves. We are all working to get better at it, but let's be honest.
Especially when you have spent your life trying to make sure other people are ok.
Most mornings, I exercise both my physical, mental, and emotional body. Today the heavy lifting was done outside the gym.
"You don't love too hard. Bitch, you lack boundaries. Their shit ain't your shit."
Then the term enmeshment came up. "Enmeshment is a psychological term that describes a blurring of boundaries between people, typically family members." Pulled that nugget from https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/enmeshment. I gotta do some more digging into that term though.
We've always been taught to consider the feelings of others. But at what point did we decide our feelings were less important or secondary to others? Transference of energy is big for me. When someone is in a funk, if I spend too much time around them, I slowly get in a funk too. But what I've learned is that someone else's mood is not my cross to bear. If I did something, and I am consciously aware of it, I can try to make amends if the person is open to it. They may not be though, and that's ok. If I'm not aware of it, then they can bring it up if and when they feel like it, but I am not require to allow the rain clouds to move into my day.
Of course integration is a whole 'nother story, though, because I still get that pit in my gut. That guilty feeling that I'm the cause of their mood, when the fact is that may be true or it may not be. Until they make that determination known, I have to keep it pushing. Unsettled and all.
I feel like I'm rambling. And honestly I might be. This place is like a diary...that everyone can read, so you know how it goes.
For real though, as you move through your day, and you notice yourself slipping into darkness, ask yourself if it's yours or someone else's.
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