Healing, a necessary mess

Healing is a hot topic lately. It's all over social media. The books, the memes. Therapy is being talked about and encouraged. The level of transparency is awe inspiring. People are like 'yeah, I don't know bout this.'

But let's be real. This shit is messy. Who wants to dig through their closet and pull out all of the things that were buried? It hurts to revisit instances when you made yourself small in attempt to fit in. Those moments when being smart got you ostracized. When you were too tall or too short for your age. When you got braces. When you weren't "putting out".

Or those moments when you wondered why they chose someone over you, so you changed the way you walked, the way you talked, the way you acted and dressed just for them to walk away anyway.

No one wants to relive that, right? But those are the moments that grow us. Understanding why we are the way we are today is rooted in the moments that got us to this point. All the tears, the pain. Bringing it to the surface allows us to deal with all the ways we still accommodate others subconsciously and consciously. You move the way you do for a reason.

I know this journey that I've been on has been a tough one. Looking at the choices I made up until now. The things I thought I wanted, got, and then wondered what the hell I was thinking. Honestly, it's what started my interest in tarot, astrology, and traditional African religion. Things didn't make sense, and I was trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. I had everything that I "should" want, and there I was on a beautiful sunny day in Alaska, walking my baby, and bawling my eyes out. Something had to be wrong with me. I started going to therapy, and we uncovered so much. I felt like I was coming apart at the seams, but slowly I got the help I needed to start putting myself back together.

I said all that to say, don't be afraid to unpack it. Give yourself grace. One day at a time. As you heal yourself, you heal the world around you.