Fourteen years ago today, I was preparing to become a mommy. I’d read the books and taken the classes and by all accounts I was ready, right? Heck naw! Wrong is quite likely an understatement. Absolutely nothing could truly prepare me for motherhood. May 7, 2008 at 1:45pm the tiniest, most beautiful little thing I’d ever seen was excavated from my body. I say excavated because she clearly had zero intentions of leaving my womb on her own. (42.5 weeks pregnant😩😩😩) In hindsight, I wish I knew more about doulas and natural birthing practices like the ones my DOPE azz Sis Dr. Nakeitra Burse shares but that’s a post for another day. Anywho, after an uneventful laboring process, my girl Zahra was born. The sass that came into the world with her birth was instant.
She was the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen. Instantly in love but also terrified because now I needed a plan to make sure she was well taken care of. Me being me, I gave birth at 1:45pm and was logging on to my online Master’s degree program at 7pm. The sheer drive and determination to provide a life bigger and betted for this little human has been my driving force ever since.
Here’s the thing about kids though…they don’t care about any of that. They just want you. They don’t care if you have 59 degrees or a billion dollars in the bank. They just want to know and feel that you love them. Initially, I didn’t understand that. As a single mom, I was so focused on being a provider that I knew nothing about just being present. It took moving away from my support system and building our own family unit before I truly realized that time is far greater and more impactful than money.
Fast forward to today…I am raising a strong, vocal, and extremely talented young lady who is making choices good and bad and learning that with each choice comes consequences and reactions. This is the hard part of parenting that no one shares. The head bumping, rebellious, finding their way phase was conveniently left out of all of the books. I guess they feel like if you make it this far and they’re still alive and well then it’s cheer worthy. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ whatever the case…we ARE still here and though she sometimes chooses to make her own path way harder than necessary she is still my absolutely gorgeous, smart, and extremely talented baby!
My prayer each day is that she will be a confident leader and driven to make good choices. I pray that her talents allow her to grow far beyond her wildest dreams. I pray that she not only hear my words of love and adoration but that she also feel and receive them. I pray that today‘s heartaches and disappointments catapult her into tomorrow’s successes. I pray that she always knows that her Mama is her biggest fan and most consistent ally. I pray that she sees her beauty as clearly as I do. I pray that she lives a full, free, and prosperous life.
To the one who made me a Mommy, the first person to hear my heartbeat from the inside, my first ever Mother’s Day gift…Zahra…I wish you the happiest of birthdays!
Love,
Mommy
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