Reflections of 38

For the past few years, I've really looked forward to my birthday.

During my quiet time across the past week, I've been thinking about the lessons learned during the past 12 months. Take a peek.

• Love just is, but relationship requires active choice.

I used to think that love had a valve. That you could just turn it off. Now I know better. Love just is. It flows effortlessly when you allow, but where you channel it makes all the difference.

• Connection is necessary but solitude is where you meet yourself.

I love to meet people, and am really good at it. I try to be there when people need me the most, but I realize that in the silence is where I find Monica. No pretenses, no bs, just me.

• I was meant thrive not just survive.

For the longest, I was only allowing myself to dream of the bare minimum in all areas of my life. Now my dreams have no walls, no restrictions. I shoot for the moon because I know everything that is meant for me will come. I've just got to enjoy the ride.

• Fixing people is not my job.

People are going to do what they do, and no amount of care is going to stop them. I had to stop trying to save people. Trying to "fix" them. My only concern is how I act when I deal with them. Talk about a load off my shoulders.

• My capacity to love is not diminished by someone's inability to receive.

I love big. Always have. Unfortunately sometimes that ends up getting me hurt in the process. I'm okay with that now. I send love out. I get it back, though not always from the intended target.

• Complete wellness

I've got one shot at this life, and in order to live it to the fullest, I've got to take care of myself emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. Every day I try to do things that put a check in each box.

• Caution is warranted but fear has no place in my future

Being afraid of the unknown serves no purpose other than to keep me in the very place that I keep saying I don't want to be. While I don't go off half-cocked, I know that I'm being led to where I should be.

• Setting expectations isn't a bad thing. Just be prepared for when people can't meet them.

I have very high expectations of people. Even higher for myself. But when people don't meet them, I can't lose focus of my end goal. I have to figure out a way to work through the perceived shortcomings. After all, it's my goal.

• Change is necessary for growth.

Change is hard for me. I like for things to stay the same, because I know what to expect, but with routine comes boredom. I'm welcoming the shifts now, both inward and outward.

• Some relationships have depth and some have breadth. Both are needed.

There are some people who see me. I mean, see my soul. They hold me and my secrets. Others have a very surface level knowledge of what I truly am. Having both in my life has given me the freedom to live in the moment and also rest my burdens when necessary.

• Apply pressure always, because this is my life and I only get one!!!

Not everyone is going to agree with my choices. I can't let that keep me from being me. Embodying the "crazy, sexy, cool" vibes of TLC. So I'm wearing the red lipstick, the dress that might be a little too snug in some areas and low cut in others. Share the posts that may be seen as inappropriate by some. Chase my goals. Dream big. All that ish!

I'm truly excited to see what the last year of 30s has in store. We will move, so I will begin to build my village again just like we've done before. Rinse, lather, repeat. But I'm finding joy in the process of my unfolding. My becoming.